I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
