I hate all girls vehemently.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
