Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
