last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I can't put those talents on a resume
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Randomize
