Just cropdusted the office
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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