i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
