You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
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I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
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My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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