What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
