awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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