Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
