I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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