the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
