my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
