dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
