Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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