You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
