You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
