Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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