just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
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We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
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Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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