walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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