I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
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