Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
organizing the empties. That sober.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
