Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
