I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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