I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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