Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
