Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
