i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
