That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
