a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
