then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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