Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Enjoy the penises
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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