I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize