I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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