batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
