This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
