this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
