I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
