this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
