I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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