I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
