How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
