Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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