Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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