I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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