Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
