In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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