so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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