my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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