And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I can't turn off my feet"
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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