Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
