what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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