after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
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i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
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I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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