Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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