why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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