Hey man sorry I got all grabby
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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