at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
