Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
