I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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