are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
