You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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