do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
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