he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
