I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
