Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
