how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
