I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Randomize
