What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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