to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
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